your room smells of hookers.
And success
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
