Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
