One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
