What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
