Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
