Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
