btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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