I didn't shave. On purpose
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
