I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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