happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
