I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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