I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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