Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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