is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
