I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize