Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize