Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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