Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
