I cockslap morals
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
