I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
