tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
