I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
