Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
