Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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