You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
