You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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