He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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