Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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