bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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