i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
