This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
