Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
smell my finger.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
