You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
