I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
