I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize