There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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