You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
