that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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