ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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