He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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