need another drink. this is the easiest way
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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