just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
