I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
pray to the hookup gods
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
