Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize