i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
