omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
