Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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