So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
