I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
