oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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