i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
