White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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