Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
