I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
