Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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