I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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