I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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