I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
