i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
