whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
