So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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