guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
