This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
