A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
