why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
