I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
