I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
