So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
