Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
