apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
