Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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