In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize