I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
