Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was like eating out sand paper
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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